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the gay man's therapist
ask
angelo
angelo
pezzote
MA, NCC, LMHC
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Order
Angelo's new book,
Straight Acting — Gay Men, Masculinity, and Finding True Love >
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10 Relationship Myths
Dear Angelo,
My best friend always
wants to talk about our relationship. To me, it's not good. I mean we
should just have good times and take it as it comes. Relationships should
be natural and not forced. Maybe we're not a good combo. What do you think?
Signed, Let It Happen
Dear
Let It Happen,
I understand that relationships can be hard
work and that many folks don't like confrontation. But you may have to
rethink your ideas about relationships. Don't worry, you're in good
company. So much so, that I made a list - 10 relationship myths. I think
this will be helpful to you. Here are 10 common myths of close
relationships.
1. A
good relationship just happens naturally and doesn't require good ongoing
communication.
2. The other
person should know what makes me happy. I shouldn't have to tell them.
3. Conflict
isn't a part of a healthy relationship.
4. We
have to be a lot alike and always agree.
5. I
like everything about the other person.
6. We
should always have a good time.
7. All
we need is the two of us.
8. The
other person will always be there, so I can take them for granted,
criticize or mistreat them.
9. I don't
have to tell the other person what I like about them anymore or give them
compliments.
10. It's selfish to want time for myself
away from the other person.
Bonus: It's always their fault.
All The Best, Angelo.
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Anal Straight Guy
Dear Angelo,
I'm a straight guy, but I like anal
sex. Does this mean I'm gay?
Signed, Anal for All
Dear
Anal for All,
Just because you find anal sex pleasurable,
doesn't mean you're gay. And just because you're gay doesn't mean you find
anal sex pleasurable. While anal sex and gayness are closely associated,
they don't have to be. Being "gay" is about a physical,
psychological, spiritual and political orientation. It's not defined
merely by a physical sex act. Having anal sex isn't just a gay thing.
Two gay men may never have anal sex and two
straight dudes in prison might. A fair percentage of heterosexual couples
report having anal intercourse. It may
be to avoid pregnancy or just for the enjoyment of it. Obviously it's
the men that are the insertive partners, but not always. The woman may use
toys or fingers to penetrate the man. Some men even do this on their own
while masturbating to alter the intensity of their orgasmic experience.
So just because you do things to that
area, doesn't mean you're gay. Our bodies are sensual and feel pleasure
when sensitive areas are stimulated. Anal sex gets a bad rap because of
the religious views and the stigma against gays. But if you like it, it's
OK, and it does not mean you're gay. I hope this helps clear up your
confusion.
All The Best, Angelo.
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Coming March 2008, Angelo Pezzote's new book:
Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love
Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
Do you have a question for Angelo to address in his column?
Email ask@askangelo.com
Would you appreciate a safe, supportive environment to talk about personal concerns? Get useful tools from a specialist who understands. Podcasts, Tele-seminars, Advice On Demand, Workshops, Groups and Private Practice Available. Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003.
© Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C., All Rights Reserved.
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