Dear Angelo,

I tend to fall for the wounded man. But it never works out and I always seem to get hurt. How can I break this pattern and find a healthy relationship?

Signed, Beautiful Disasters

Dear Beautiful Disasters,

Often wounded men (the guys who use the issues they're struggling with in life as an excuse to avoid really showing up for us in a relationship) are quite charming. We can be seduced by their hotness and good qualities. We may recognize their not so good qualities from the get go, but we often choose to overlook their shortcomings, perhaps taking them on as a repair project -- a real fixer upper. It's risky. But we might think if we just love them enough, they'll heal, eventually being a good partner.

Trouble is that giving them all the best love in the world isn't enough to solve their problems. That has to be an inside job. Meanwhile, it's exhausting, draining, and we never get our needs met.

A relationship is not a one way street. You also need a guy who cares for you and meets your needs too. You might wish to check out Al-Anon or CODA -- twelve step recovery programs for caretakers.

Take your time when getting to know someone new. Learn to look past the fireworks. While crackling chemistry is tempting, focus on his character and compatibility, determining if he's a good match for you overall.

Dear Angelo,

I'm tired of gay men being so catty. Why do we treat each other like such shit? And how do I deal with it?

Signed, Mean Girls

Dear Mean Girls,

Some gay men can understandably harbor a lot of insecurity from growing up in a homonegative culture. In order to feel secure, they may become smug, putting others down to feel superior. So a high falutting attitude is really a form of low self-esteem. Sometimes we act the opposite of how we really feel.

Don't be nasty. Rise above it by remaining friendly and keeping an open heart. There's lots of good guys out there too. Like attracks like. On the whole, the higher vibrational or energetic frequency of love will keep the "bad witches" at bay and lure the good ones in.

Coming March 2008, Angelo Pezzote's new book:

Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love

Email ask@askangelo.com